ITS 1975 ALL OVER AGAIN...

CONSPIRACY THEORY Pt 1

I’ve got a theory on most conspiracies, but if I told most of them there’d be an empty chair in my office within the hour, with just the palpable whiff of organic oregano and vicks’ vaporrub left to prove I ever existed.
Conspiracies, you see, are not a work of fiction, by and by. I wrote a whole movie script, tentatively called Conspiracy Theory II, which was suppose to star James Woods and Sandra Bullock, riffing on the Mel Gibson/Julia Roberts film, but it seems the theories scribbled inside, well actually scribbled atop the napkin, made the film executives a littttttttllllle nervous. Funny, within weeks all had been replaced by bobbleheaded androids eager to make Eddie Murphy movies. That’s a different conspiracy altogether.
However, some theories I can share, like this Ontario gas crisis.
Some refinery somewhere is closed due to something like a fire, yah, that’s the ticket. A big fire. Shut the whole system down, nearly blew a crater the size of Donald Trump's ego in Newark, or somewhere equally as odious.
But you didn’t hear this from me. It seems — and I heard this at a very well-placed water cooler — Prime Minister Harpor has called in one of his markers with his Big Oil Buddies, aka BOB. Seems BOB, who while a little tired with Steve’s antics around pretending to be a ‘so-called environmental-ly aware’ guy, is willing to put his money where his mouth is. That’s besides the leadership he bought Steve way back in 2002, and all those annual directed cheques by shareholders and employees to the tune of the annual allowable donation rate that keep finding their way to the CON-soivatuve party orifices.
Yep, BOB is anxious. All this talk about Dion, Kyoto and pressure on the oil industry to become responsible citizens was making him a bit twitchy. He even complained to Media Emplre Gang, MEG for short, who are, like BOB, counting the days 'til the CONservatoids get unfettered access to the levers of power. Nuff of this minority stuff. Even Steve, usually the picture of cold and calculating, began to perspire tepidly on his brow, sort of like that time he was forced to wedge a hoss-like cowboy hat on his honkin’ head, at the thought of being squeezed out of his comfortably corpulent office with its hotline to the local Popeyes chicken shop.
Oh, right, this conspiracy on oil. Well, BOB got the thumbs up to put the screws to Ontario, and a tad to Quebec. But Steve said don't mess up my deal with Gene. OK, sez BOB. Seems Steve isn’t a fan of Ontarians anyways, despite it being his birthplace. Oh, you didn’t know that?
Well, when he isn’t cavorting with satanic republican evil-doers, sacrificing kilograms of kitten fur to the Neo-Con God, Steve is dancing to the tune of BOB.
And BOB agreed with Steve about sending a message to those who were thinking that envirominty stuff would be easy. Make them get a taste of just the kind of scary stuff Steve would be dishing out come election-fright time. Higher taxes, bicycle tie-ups along the 401 during rush hour. Power outages and gas shortages, oh my!
Cut off their gas, BOB said. After a few moments deliberately deliberating, Steve let out a hardy laugh and said it sounded like a perfectly snapp-tapiliish idea.
And so, within a week, the pumps became dry. Yep, it has nothing to do with that refinery, you see. That was slated for regular maintenance anyways. And have you heard of any other places suffering, like Alberta? Ohio? Of course not.
Sometimes, these conspiracies are too easy.

BEWITCHED AND BOTHERED

If you saw Heir Harpor's amazing witch hunt in Parliament yesterday -- an amazingly blunt attempt at pulling the whole chamber into the mudpit -- you might see some disturbing connect-the-dots with this so-called leader and perhaps his model politician, and I'm not talking about Stalin.
Of course, having tried to smear all Liberals with 'weak-on-terrorism' after his previous 'weak-on-Israel' diatribe, it should surprise no one that he's slimed an honourable member of Parliament and his family (does not anyone have a right to innocent until proven otherwise under this Conservative agenda?)... It's eerily similar to the job he tried to pull on Maher Arar, scoring points against the gov't of the day while virtually naming Arar as a terrorist. That's in the record, folks.
All I can say to this additional smear is echo the remarks made by a simple lawyer, a man who helped bring down a despicable blowhard who ruined numerous lives before fading into his own corrupt hole...

Mr. Joseph Welch: "You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"

AND THE SPIN IS IN...

The whining of the right wing has gotten a ring of smugness now that recent polls show a downward trend to the Liberals, and rough numbers on leadership for Stephane Dion.
Of course, the national numbers aren’t exactly glowing for the Cons when it comes to their wet-dream majority manifesto, but much comfort and joy no doubt is being absorbed in how defacto Fathead Harper seems to be casting a large shadow in various queries.
Of course, no one asked if they’d prefer to sit down for a double-double with the the Big Boss Man to talk hockey. Oh and when will that ghost writer (PT109-style) have the Harp's hockey tome done, by the way?
But, its refreshing to hear a lack of ‘evil left-wing media’ blather these days. I mean, the power of the press has been pretty much muted and whipped into various monopolies by the almighty corporate raiders and there is rarely an example of downright leftism remaining.
The Toronto Star is solidily Liberal, just as dearly departed Izzy Asper (oh, how he must be spinning these days) use to be. His offspring are now trying to spread the Harpor truth, in hopes that his majority gov't will open up the media for widespread international investment. The Globe and Mail is creeping centreish, no doubt distancing itself from the insanely partisan National comPost, which takes its job of slandering whole religions and creeds very seriously, while bringing out doctored photos of Auschwitz just to keep the readership on their toes.
When it comes to TV, I can’t think of anyone who leans left. Reporters are proud to proclaim they leave their bias at the door – but I’m in the print industry and have heard plenty of stories and over the cubicle talk with gov’t contacts, how the anus massaging and pleased-as-punch reporters tip like Don Quixote's windmill to the laziest friendly chit-chat.
Robert Fyfe doesn’t even have to fake it anymore.
You might not know the name, but you should know about his biggest story.
As documented in the recent issue of THE WALRUS magazine, in a piece called 'Hear No Evil, Write No Lies' by Andrew Mitrovica, Fyfe's role in helping to tar Maher Arar with the ‘terrorist tag’ is given great spread.
As some medium-grade CtV spin-bot, Fyfe’s one bullet was to take the ammunition provided by bitter and bile-producing Cons-uvatuve leader Stephen Harper and help create the image that the Liberals were nothing but bungling, French-leaning lackies who would let our poor ol’ Yankee buddies down and let a known terrorist into our land. Yep, those red drips were even trying to help Arar out of his Syrian four-by-four squat box. Shame!
Nevermind that the meme of the day — Canada was a haven for whack-job terrorists, some who helped plot and carry out 9/11 — was proven to be as flimsy as the case for invading Iraq. But it was one of the storylines that helped depose the Liberal dictatorship, so at least for Fyfe and his surrogate papa, all’s well that ends well.

Despite his wretched part in that affair, Fyfe soon found himself promoted. He even got to feign superfluous competence while reporting on Arar's recent vindication and compensation for having his life torn asunder. Neither the Cons nor Fyfe dared look in the mirror during that moment. But the saga goes on.
I was watching CtV the other evening and as usual Fyfe, who has quite the record for swallowing Con-manufactured rumour and innuendo as gospel, completed a report on the recent Kyoto bill vote with an editorial slingjob that confirmed the Tory spin. He said, with no attribution, thus giving it the illusion of fact, that the Kyoto bill, if adhered to, would cause economic ruin.
The bill demands that the government make all effort possible to reach the Kyoto targets – that the targets are the goals Canada has accepted in an International agreement and is where we should be going.
It does not say ‘We must burn down our house to do it.’ It doesn’t say that because taking action to reach our Kyoto targets is not all about shutting down industry. It’s about innovation, changing behaviour (like the Cons are encouraging through both their 1950s child care handouts and their crime and punishment bills, nevermind about their rebooted Liberal environmental programs) while also putting together a blueprint that all levels of government will utilize to help save the planet.
Well, after that hatchet job Fyfe did on Maher Arar – with the help of his secret deepthroat, you can call him ‘Steve’ -- there should be no soul searching to see what Fyfe’s end goal is.
But what job could this slanted talking head qualify for?
Obviously partisan joker to King Harper is still available.

One more mint...

Liberals appointed partisans’ headline from the National Postisan… What a shocker! It’d be even more accurate had it read ‘Governments appointed partisans’, but accuracy is never the NaPo’s objective, and I do mean objective.
This national embarrassment for a one-sided rag, and I’m beginning to think they do their headlines along the same way as Bourque, and we know who’s flush with ‘headline-buying cash’, just can’t see the true kernel behind this issue.
Political parties when in power make appointments. It’s as old as whoring but less respectable. The difference is that the NaPo’s chosen clan has gone a step beyond, legislating the numbers so that their appointments now have the deciding vote. Since Mulroney’s day – and I hate to bring up that money-stuffed-with-cash chinpiece – the apparatus has been that political appointees hold a minority of positions on the judicial committee. Chretien even tightened up that rule in ’95.
But remember how Harpor warned all those people scared about the Tory-plications of a possible CON win, that the activist courts judicial agents, and I’m using his interior thought process to paraphrase, would keep him and his henchmen in check? Well, he’s taking steps now to ensure to take out that threat – joining the elections Canada commissar, environmental madame and whoever else could possibly put up a fuss over their law-and-order police state-ism.
And courtesy of Karnac, coming headlines for the NaPo…

Caesar’s knife-phobia
Roosevelt was a red cripple
Rolling Stones de-flowered

BREAKING THE UNBREAKABLE

Listening to CBC radio after dinner I heard just the last minute of what was a David Suzuki-Stephen Lewis love-in.
What Suzuki said to close it out was quite telling, in my humble Liberal-minded way.
He was talking about how Jean Chretien didn't sign the Kyoto Agreement in '97 as Liberal leader, but as leader of Canada. It was an international treaty that we were bound to, and admittedly one that we have fallen way short of -- but I believe that having gotten our financial house in order obviously trumped a multitude of other priorities.
Suzuki then noted that when Putin put Russia's stamp on it in '05, it made the agreement a truly international one, an agreement that could no longer be maligned by the arch-right for its being an exclusive, small-power, tiny principality type promise. It was an international agreement that we have committed to.
Funny, while Harpor seems dead-set on establishing the mantra on 'Promises made, promises kept' (which is a farce, but save that for another time) he has no problem breaking agreements made by other governments.
Kelowna, because it was written on a napkin apparently, childcare, because it meant the gov't was meddling in other's lives/choices, and Kyoto, well, because it was a crazy socialist scheme.
However, he has put us in the same boat as George W., he of the "I'll torture prisoners no matter what the Geneva Convention sez" club.
Morally, Harpor better hope there isn't a revengeful and angry God...

Hey big spender

There’s no doubting that this is good news:


Harper vows $1.5-billion to tackle environment woes
Meagan Fitzpatrick, CanWest News Service
Published: Monday, February 12, 2007
The federal government announced on Monday $1.5-billion in funding to help the provinces bolster their efforts to go green.
Prime Minister Stephen Harper made the announcement in Sherbrooke, Que., with Quebec Premier Jean Charest, and Environment Minister John Baird. Quebec and Ottawa reached a deal that will give about $350-million to that province from a new national fund, Mr. Harper said.


It addresses both two Harpor trip-stones in one swoop – takes a kick at the fiscal (im)balance while also applies a little more green paint to his chubby body.
But it should lead to a few questions, you’d think by those who wear those ‘press’ pinned notes to their hat bands.
One should start to wonder just how this minority government is doing with the big surplus that had become a nice habit some nine years ago.
They’ve been spending like crack-addicted fashion divas with unlimited credit. And while the cupboard was full last time we checked, perhaps someone should do an audit, because we know from Flahatty’s past life he doesn’t do well with numbers…

Blowing and Sucking...

As is usual, Saundrie has written up a concise and brilliant dissection of the Cons' past year -- oh wayward promisekeepers they are.
No sense in me trying to peck out a follow-up. It's long but worth the read.

Follow the link...

http://saundrie.blogspot.com/